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Ways to Knock the Negative from Your Life

Do you ever feel exhausted after talking to a close friend?

Does their negativity weigh on you, drag you down?

Does their constant complaining, negative outlook on life, constant problems steal the little bit of positive you were holding onto?

Unfortunately, sometimes you will encounter people who consume the energy in the room while leaving behind a cloud of dust that sprinkles “negative nature” on you and can set your mood into a tail spin.

These people, whom you have the most contact with and hang around will have either a positive or negative effect on your levels of self-esteem and confidence.

These effects can have a short term or lasting impression on you. Their impact can leave you feeling charged up or feeling like you need refueled.

Recognizing how people affect us is important to being happy.

We all know those people who are positive, happy, cheerful, and joyful to be around.

What do those people make you feel like?

Yes, they make you feel the same way! They can but zest into a boring atmosphere and can fill the room with positive. They give you the “can do” vibes that make us feel good. They bring a sense of energy that is empowering and motivating.

What about those that are sad, depressed, often angry, negative, and always discouraged?

Their statements are always about not having opportunities, always putting people down, disliking others that are successful, and showing jealously as well as negative thinking – need I go on!

These people drain your energy and bring you down to their level, a million miles away from the level that YOU want to be operating on.

Family members can be a lot like this also but you can always choose your friends, you can never choose your family!

So what should you do to make sure that the people who you hang around with empower and support what you stand for rather than bring you down all of the time?

  1. You have the power to choose who you hang around with. It is a choice.  Ideally you want happy, vibrant and positive people to surround yourself with so you can surround yourself with empowering energy.
  2. If you have good friends who are negative and yet you still want to hang around them, make a point of letting them know how you feel – if they are a true friend they will respect you for this. If they are negative from time to time just acknowledge that this is what they are like and block out the negativity.
  3. The same can be said with family. Your more mature family members have behaviors that have been conditioned for years and years and from different eras. Appreciate where they have come from and their beliefs. Also, as in number 2, express how you feel or block out the negative.
  4. Remember, that nothing has meaning in life except the meaning that you give it.

Choosing to be happy is always easier said than done. There are so many outside extenuating circumstances and influences that can alter our mood at any split second. Being able to manage what affects your mood takes practice but is the most rewarding experience because it can truly give you a life of peace, purpose, and passion. Here are a few tips to helping you manage those negative influences that keep you from finding happiness.

  1. Build personal awareness – Understanding how people make you feel is important to building positive, healthy, and supportive relationships
  2. Improve and increase your self talk – Building an inner voice that is helpful rather than hurtful is important when building self-esteem and confidence to be able to set boundaries around people that don’t make you feel good
  3. Set boundaries – Doing this helps you set those invisible yet critical lines that let others know how they may interact with you, talk with you, and impact you
  4. Acknowledge and release – when you encounter someone that attempts to change your mood or tries to inflict negative vibes on you, acknowledge what is happening, release the negative energy, take deep breathes, count backwards 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and refocus on 3 positives in your life to ground you into a positive space

How you live your life is your choice. It is your life and you have the power to decide what affects you. By practicing these concepts and tips, you can build a life of peace, purpose, and passion. By managing the negative influences in your life, you allow yourself an opportunity to build a life that you want, you deserve, and you imagined.

Stop living in the negative and make a change today!

Learn to Build a Belief System that Gives You Unconditional Happiness

It hasn’t been easy and I certainly have a million instances I would like a “redo” in my life.

There are so many times I wish I could reverse what I said, take back what I did, treat the person with a little more respect and compassion. So many decisions where I didn’t get it right. So many broken relationships because I didn’t have the “WHOLE PICTURE” or my pride got in the way.

So I sit here, thinking about that journey. How I have grown, “leveled up” as they say, grew into a ME I can be proud of.

A me that isn’t getting in my own way, letting my words and actions take me 2 steps backwards. A me that isn’t living in guilt for the way I have thought or behaved. A me that treats people better, treats me better.

More importantly, I think about how I have come to adopt a certain level of awareness, motivation, accountability, wellness, emotional intelligence, mindfulness, compassion, and forgiveness to find UNCONDITIONAL HAPPINESS.

Albert Einstein wrote:

A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the constant pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness.

My pursuit of happiness was plagued with restlessness and constant pursuit for MORE, whatever more was. What I learned was that pursuing MORE never brought me true personal happiness nor did it help me build a belief system that supported me, mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

Throughout the years, throughout the stumbles, the falls, and the catastrophic disasters I created, I discovered that my belief system was broken and it certainly wasn’t working for me. My belief system was allowing for negative thoughts, behaviors, and people to influence the choices I made.

My belief system needed an adjustment.

The purpose of sharing my journey is to help bring awareness to your BELIEF SYSTEM, your internal representation and internal dialogue that guides you throughout life. My goal is to help you learn to identify personal language patterns and behaviors that negatively influence your choices and decision making. My hope is for you to operate in the CAUSE & not at the EFFECT of your circumstances. I hope to show you that YOU are the creator of your circumstances. My mission is to help you see that your life is the result of the sum total of all of the choices you have made in life (both conscious & unconscious) which have landed you where you are today.

As I write this blog, please know this is from my perspective and no one else’s. It is my internal representation of what occurred and I acknowledge that my view may be tainted by my perception of experiences in my life.

By sharing my thoughts, I hope to help you understand what it takes to adopt a BELIEF SYSTEM that EMPOWERS YOU to FORGIVE YOURSELF, create PERSONAL AWARENESS to negative behaviors, thoughts, and choices, grow your EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, become ACTION DRIVEN instead of being a VICTIM, strengthen your SPIRITUALITY, and promote POSITVE CHOICES in life. I want you to make CHOICES that reflect personal respect, personal boundaries, personal integrity, personal accountability and personal empowerment as well as an awareness to how our CHOICES impact others.

I hope you learn to adopt A BELIEF SYSTEM that creates:

  • personal discovery
  • personal awareness
  • personal accountability
  • motivation
  • forgiveness
  • emotional intelligence
  • confidence
  • effective relationship building skills
  • personal peace
  • spirituality
  • wellness
  • positive self worth
  • humility
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • mindfulness
  • clearer picture

You first must know that you can’t build your belief system without first understanding where you are currently at. Over your life, you have had many different experiences and these experiences have helped shape and form your current belief system. Along the way, that belief system has been challenged by those experiences. Experiences from birth, through childhood, through relationships, through events. Every single event in your life has shaped exactly who you are. Your beliefs, your thoughts, your reactions, how you interact with other people, EVERYTHING.

I think it will be helpful for you to understand the key elements to be aware of when building a BELIEF SYSTEM.

  • SpiritualWhen a person has spiritual strength within, they have a built in belief system in themselves that will propel them on no matter what the problem.
  • Mind/body Without exercise, the proper diet, avoiding chemicals and other contaminates in your life, the body doesn’t function as it should – and neither does your mind.
  • HabitsHabits can be debilitating and affect many areas of our lives in a negative way.
  • Stress/emotional controlFind a way to control stress and you’ve found a key element toward positive self-development.
  • RelationshipsHow effectively we build relationships has a direct impact on our success in life.

Throughout the next few blogs, I will discuss ways to build your belief system

  • where to start
  • how to establish a belief system
  • how to tune out the noise and negative
  • how to continuously strengthen your beliefs
  • and how to build a support system around you

Throughout these blogs, I may share parts of my life that I am not proud of. The parts I was I could “redo”. Please don’t judge as I am a work in progress.

This is the point of my life when I decided to find a happier me. A better version of me.

It started with my EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.

That one little thing that can really get in the way if you don’t know how to manage it. It will get in the way of everything and can quickly destroy everything around you.

It is a skill that helps you learn how to control how you respond to situations and others. It is your ability to control your emotions no matter what is happening to you, good or bad.

When I look back, my emotional intelligence was barely a 6 on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest. I would have verbal explosions that weren’t good for any party involved. Even with my upbringing in the Catholic Church and my faith, I still struggled to contain my emotions with certain people.

I was AWFUL. It started young too. I remember how I would lose verbal control with my Mom and brothers. Not sure why. I guess I learned this behavior.  I think back to where I learned that behavior that yelling at people you love is ok. Where yelling at anyone is ok.

I was raised with a very strong moral compass. The problem was, I wasn’t taught how to manage my emotions and I wasn’t taught how to effectively communicate my emotions. Again, there is no blame here. At the end of the day, the choice was always mine.

It was my personal responsibility to manage my emotions because they affect me, my decisions, and others around me.

When you start believing that and applying those principles, you start holding yourself accountable to your behavior and actions towards others as well as yourself.

Throughout my life I started to connect the dots. Instead of ignoring clues and signs in my life, I started paying attention and started learning through personal awareness.

I realized that every negative thing that was happening to me was because of the choices I was making and lack of emotional control. I was allowing negativity to reside in my life.

 

I started to grasp that every time I lost my temper something negative would end up happening. I started to understand that the way I CHOSE to behave directly impacted the outcome of situations.

And what I really discovered, was that I didn’t like the way that made me feel and how my life was turning out because of it.

So I decided to CHANGE. I wanted to be better, do better, and treat people better. I wanted a life where I could be at peace and not carry so much negativity from the past experiences. I wanted to be happy. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially.

And so my journey began.

I realized my CURRENT STATE was far from where I aspired to be in terms of emotional intelligence.  I never would have been able to change my belief system without first looking at what my beliefs were and my thoughts around guiding principles in my life. After verbally humiliating a ball player of mine on the basketball court in front of her peers, I knew it was time to change.

I knew I was better than that. By lashing out at people, it didn’t help me be better. In fact, it made things worse. Talking down to people made them feel bad. It made me feel bad. I didn’t want to be remembered like this nor did I want to carry this guilty feeling around with me. And I didn’t like losing control of my emotions yet I still did it. I recognized that this was getting in the way of me finding internal happiness.

So I had to change. 

 

Overcoming the “AWFUL” things I did, the things I couldn’t “FORGIVE” myself for, and the life changing CONSEQUENCES, was a journey that included personal commitment and self transparency about my behaviors, my thoughts, my actions. And honestly, I am not sure I am completely there yet however I am working on it.  It’s been a long and tough journey to find absolute forgiveness.

Without FORGIVENESS, it’s hard to move forward in life. It’s hard to let go of all those emotions from experiences that you feel guilty about. Guilty about what you said or did to yourself or someone else. These emotions can distort our reality because they influence how we interpret each experience. This distortion can cause us to make poor choices thus negatively affecting the outcome of our life. Forgiving yourself or others is a necessary step to letting go of the past. Without doing so, you may struggle to achieve unconditional happiness.

When first beginning to build a BELIEF SYSTEM that helps you rather than hurts you, you have to understand that along the way, that belief system will be challenged by new experiences. These may reconnect us to negative experiences from birth, childhood, relationships, events. Being prepared for those moments helps you learn how to manage those emotions from getting out of control. It is also important to know that every single event in our life has shaped exactly who we are. Our beliefs, our thoughts, our reactions, how we interact with other people, EVERYTHING.

We spend our life building beliefs, perception, mindsets without even being aware it is happening.

Understanding this first step sets you on a path to building a lifestyle of happiness and a belief system that empowers you and helps you live your life with purpose and passion.

 

Next week, I will continue to share the next step to Building a Belief System that Gives You Unconditional Happiness

I want to share this story in chunks so it allows me to introduce some COACHING CHALLENGES to you.

My first challenge is to put this awareness to practice.

Journal, make notes in your phone, or jot down what you are noticing.

Reflect back each day on experiences with people, work, life, and notice how your mind experienced that moment and why. If you don’t know the why yet, it’s ok. You will come to understand that over time.

I want you to bring awareness to what your mind is doing and what your mind is being influenced by.  Write down what thoughts consume your mind especially when you are alone. Bring them into the open.

Write down whether these thoughts are positive or negative. Write down what behaviors hurt you rather than helped you. Use this discovery phase to bring attention to any limiting thought or behavior that you have. Whatever you notice, positive or negative, about your thoughts and behaviors, write it down.

Understanding what your mind is doing and how it is reacting is important to building YOUR personal belief system. Being aware and recognizing patterns in behavior, mood swings, attitude, depression, sadness, anger, hostility, aggressiveness, are very important to understanding what is influencing you.

Having awareness to what is influencing you is KEY.

Also it is important to note that we tend to focus on what is influencing us and that influence can start to control our thoughts and behaviors which impact the outcome of our life.

 

Happy note taking!

And remember to

Take control of your actions, your attitude and your outcomes and watch your personal power create new horizons.

Stephanie Duemmel

 

The Secrets to Breaking those Negative Habits & Behaviors

Here are some simple ways to implementing & adopting New Healthy Behaviors by Breaking One Bad Habit at a Time

 

What keeps you from becoming the person you get excited about?

 

Yourself? Other people’s view of you? Your self talk? Smoking? Talking too much? Drinking? Untidiness? Unmotivated? Eating unhealthy?

 

You are not alone. 

 

Within this article there are 5 simple reasons for breaking a bad habit.

 

Whether it’s a perpetual pile of clothes in the corner you’re waiting to someday turn into gold, a self-proclaimed disability which renders you unable to refrain from interrupting, or, a knack for timing your exit just so, so that someone else is continually left to pick up the dishes, now’s the time to extinguish these habits before they turn into next year’s resolutions.

 

Why?

 

 1. It’s not fair to others

One of the great universal laws ruling our wonderful planet says that you get back what you put out there.

Want others to be kind and considerate to you?

Then start putting the considerate, kind vibes out there and pick up your clothes, your dishes, and stop interrupting or whatever it is you or a collective “others” define as a bad habit.

2. It’s not fair to you

If you are trying to be a nice person and pride yourself on having generous, warmhearted traits, then it’s not fair to you either that this simple, little, annoying thing you do can wield the power that it now, or will soon have.

These tiny culprits have been known to ruin marriages, friendships, and cause the downfall of many a mighty person.

Plus you’ll feel better about yourself.

3. Your success depends on it

Bad habits have a funny way of getting in the way of our happiness and success. Why is that? Because people notice these little things about us whether they tell us or not.

These behaviors only happen in certain situations and before you know it, you are talking 1000 words a minute trying to fill the dead air space or biting your nails in front of a potential client CEO.

Put an end to it now before situations that require your utmost polish become tarnished by these terribly annoying little critters.

4. You probably don’t like it when others do the same thing

Think about it.  If someone did the same thing to you, would it bother you?

Be honest.

Sometimes all it takes is a simple exercise in empathy to find the motivation to quit whatever it is we could benefit from stopping.

5. List your own reasons

But be sincere.

What is it costing you to change these habits?

Whether it’s a moment of peace, seemingly never ending nagging, or simple anxiety resulting from anticipation of the next blow-up or negative comment, you owe it to yourself to commit to your ongoing personal development, and to the elimination of any behavior whose costs far outweigh the benefits.

 

So how does one begin?

 

Just like breaking a habit like drinking 3 sodas a day, bad habits have a way of creeping up on us and slowly over time becoming somewhat akin to an appendage like it’s an extra arm or something—i.e. they’re hard to get rid of.

Here are some tips for breaking these bad habits:

1. Start small:

 While it might not be reasonable to expect that you can just stop whatever you’re doing overnight, identify what might constitute as a small step in the right direction?

 Write down what that step is and carry it out over the next 21 days.

For example, if you are drinking a soda first thing in the morning on your way to work, replace the habit with a positive habit. Either choose a new healthier replacement to drink or change the behavior to something entirely different like listening to a positive podcast instead. Make it simple and make it fun. Only taking the habit away occupies some of the time. By replacing the bad habit with a positive one, it allows you to focus on building the new one, allowing your focus to escape the grasps of the sugary soda. Each time you cut back on the soda throughout the day, try to replace it with positive intentions to replace the soda drinking all together.

2. Commit:

 Promise yourself you’ll make this shift, and if reinforcement and punishment works—use it!

Figure out how you might reward yourself for making the change.  Or, figure our how you might penalize yourself if you don’t.

For example, in our soda example. Put the money you would have spent on the soda in a jar and at the end of the 21 days add it all up and buy yourself a treat for example.

From cutting down to no sodas a day from 3 sodas a day, over a 21-day period at $2 a pop that will save you $42 in just 3 weeks!

Also, write two lists, one, of the reasons why you are doing this and also a list of the things that you will miss out on if you keep on doing your bad habit.

3. Identify alternatives:

 What are some alternatives to the behavior you are demonstrating?

Is there a quick fix or solution that might help provide an alternative—e.g. put a laundry basket by the bedside (one to match with the décor) so that you don’t end up with a pile on the floor. Another example is every time you want to smoke, choose to replace it with something that gets both of your hands working on something to create a space which smoking doesn’t fit in. Occupy the “enjoyment space” of smoking with something of use or equal enjoyment.

4. Get help:

 Ask someone to help keep you accountable.

If they’ve been victims of this bad habit, they’ll most likely be thrilled you asked!

Also, create a support team around you to reinforce your commitment and accountability to help during the hard times and times when you want to slide back to the bad habit.

5. Ask for feedback:

 Asking for feedback is essential in reinforcing positive behaviors. Feedback drives behavior. We are human and understanding how we impact people is important to interacting successfully with others. Understanding how our bad habits and negative behaviors affect others as well as ourselves helps us create relationships that are supportive and valuable.

It is also important to celebrate when we accomplish a goal, even smaller focus goals, and to get praise when praise is due.

 

Everyone has bad habits and negative behaviors. We are all human. What’s important is what we do about these habits and behaviors. I hope this has given you some insight into how to change those “things” you don’t like about yourself. More importantly, I hope it gives you practical steps to changing those unwanted behaviors one step at a time.

20 Practical & Simple Ways to Increase your Confidence

How would you rate your confidence level?

High? Low? In the middle?

So many suffer from low confidence. It is such a normal characteristic that many struggle with.

Let’s look at the definition for a moment:

con·fi·dence
a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of 
one's own abilities or qualities

Such a simple definition yet so hard to achieve for many people, especially teenagers.

Learning how to build your confidence takes daily attention, personal awareness, taking action, and commitment. Without these things, your confidence will be tested by life events and people who don’t want to see your self-esteem grow in a positive direction. Through education, increased personal awareness and accountability, and applying practical methods of learning to your life, you can learn to build confidence that will help you achieve more, be happier with the results of your life, and have an inner peace that helps you see life clearly.

Here are 20 quick and practical methods that can help you increase your self-confidence:

  1. Think about someone who is confident. Act, talk and walk like him or her. Model their mannerisms and behavior. What works for them can work for you.
  2. Smile a lot more. A real genuine smile! Smile when you walk down the street, when you meet people and when you walk by people in the store. It will generally help you be happier even if you’re not feeling that way.
  3. Learn from the past; don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s gone; it’s never coming back. Instead learn from it for next time. Treat failure as feedback instead of an opportunity to hold yourself back.
  4. Buy yourself some new clothes, get your hair done, treat yourself to something new. It will make you feel better and will give your ego a boost.
  5. Are you prepared for situations? Are you prepared enough to meet any challenge that may come up? Are you prepared for that meeting, that presentation, that job interview, when you meet someone for the first time? If not, get to it.
  6. Play to your strengths. Know what you are good at and expose yourself to these opportunities at every chance you get. And because you’re good at it, you’ll enjoy it, and have more confidence.
  7. Improve your weaknesses. Know and appreciate what these are and put a plan in place to improve them over time. Most likely all of these weaknesses are skills you can build over time.
  8. Learn how to say no to people. Don’t be afraid, you’ve got nothing to be afraid of. Saying no is important at times. Reflect on past times you wish you would have said “no” and visualize how you would do it differently the next time.
  9. Be positive. Look on the “can do” side of things rather than the “can’t do”. You’ve accomplished lots in your life and you will accomplish lots more in the future.
  10. Be in charge of your thoughts at all times. What is a thought? It’s just a question that you’ve asked yourself and the thought is you’re answer. If you’re thinking negative thoughts, you’re probably asking a negative question. Change the questions to be more positive.
  11. Whenever you feel a negative thought coming, STOP, THINK, and say is this really important in the grand scheme of things. A lot of the time it isn’t. Many people in life major in minor things!
  12. Do you let the words of others affect you? Do you mind what they think of you? Remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. It’s not what they say to you that’s the problem it’s what you say to yourself after they have stopped talking that’s the problem. Change the way you think.
  13. List the words that you use on a consistent basis when you feel let down or annoyed. People use different words to mean the same thing and depending upon the intensity of the word – this will have an effect on your confidence. Instead of saying “I’m enraged about this” say, “I’m a little annoyed”. Make a substitute list for the words that you use. Make sure they are lower in intensity and then use them. You’ll be surprised with the results.
  14. At the end of each day list your achievements and successes throughout that day.
  15. Be appreciative of what you have to be thankful for in your life right now. Who do you love? Who loves you? Who do you help out?
  16. Every morning when you’re in the shower, play over in your head the events in the day as though they have already happened and they were a success. Visualize all of the meetings that you had, the people you talked to, the outcomes you had. Visualize success and confidence and it will be so.
  17. Improve your body language. The way that you move your body has a massive impact on your confidence levels. Move your body assertively and walk with your head up, shoulders back and as though you’ve got somewhere very important to go. Feeling low in confidence? Change you body language
  18. Emotion is created by motion. As in 17, make sure you move around consistently. This creates energy and gets the blood pumping around you body – it makes you feel better and more confident.
  19. Learn to brag about yourself. Yes, you heard me! Talk about your achievements and successes more than you currently are.
  20. And finally – You only live once, so any time that you are down just ask yourself in 10 or 20 years time – will what I am worrying about really matter?

 

These practical methods can help you learn to build self-confidence and help eliminate the negative people, thoughts, and events that happen regularly in your life. Learning to adopt healthy and positive tools and methods helps you quickly develop an approach to life of confidence and courage.

Through my coaching, I help teens and parents develop and adopt social and emotional skills by using modeling, reflection, and critical thinking strategies and tools that follow leadership principles. I use action driven learning and coaching challenges to reinforce social awareness, personal awareness, relationship building, responsible decision making, and personal accountability. Through motivational speaking, group coaching, one on one sessions, clients learn to acquire these necessary social and emotional skills in life.

If you know of someone that has low self-confidence, pass this article along to them.

Also, here is a link to more services that can help them grow a positive, powerful mindset that will help them live life without fear and without barriers.

linktr.ee/herewegocoaching/

6 Tips to Help Build Teen Self-confidence

If you had to rate your self-confidence on a scale of 1- 10, with 10 being the highest and 1 the lowest, where would you score yourself?

Does your confidence give you the courage to face life…ALL of LIFE?

Being confident is not easy all the time.

Building self-confidence is not easy either.

Hi, I’m Steph, Coach Steph. I specialize in helping teens build key concepts and skills that will help them approach life with a sense of courage, confidence, and commitment that will open opportunities, create possibilities, and teach your teen personal awareness and accountability.

Throughout my career, I have seen the impacts of low self-confidence. I have seen how it impacts a person’s life, their thought process, their ability to learn, their career, personal life, behaviors, and how it has created a limiting belief system. Low self-esteem can keep someone from achieving more in life and can also trap that individual in a negative mindset that will taint their perception of life and those around them.

In my experience, those who suffered from low self-esteem were passed up for jobs, made less income, never spoke up in meetings, had a hard time forming positive relationships, were lonelier, more reclusive in the workplace, avoided learning new things, and had a negative perception of themselves.

People, especially young people, with low self-confidence, had trouble facing the tougher situations.

Many teens struggle with building high self-esteem because of the environment and people around them.

Social media plays a part of teens being unable to build their confidence level. Social media influences our kids to see information that may be inaccurate, biased, or contradictory to the belief system you are trying to instill in them. Helping a teenager differentiate between the volumes of digital information can prove beneficial when helping a teen identify and establish their belief system.

Part of that belief system is how they feel about themselves.

Here are 6 Tips to Help Build Teen Self-confidence:

  1. Set the Tone – Show your teen how to face life as you know it. Demonstrate confidence in the challenges you face. Help your teen learn how to face life with confidence especially during the tough times. Talk with them about strategies or problem solving. Talk to your teen about patience, diligence, perseverance, and commitment. Let them learn by watching you. How you show up to life will give them the perception of how they should show up.
  1. Set Daily Clear Goals & Expectations – If expectations are never set, then don’t be surprised if your child isn’t crossing the finish line most of the time. By setting clear objectives every day with your child, it can help set direction for them. Also, by setting expectations, you are making it clear what is accepted behavior and what is not. Be sure to communicate clearly so the child is not confused. Check for understanding as well. Sometimes it is helpful if the expectations are written out or the goal of the day are noted on paper or refrigerator white boards. When goals are met, reward the teen for their progress and performance to drive future motivation. Motivation doesn’t have to be monetary. Also, be sure to brainstorm with your teen any obstacles they may see that could get in the way of them completing the daily goals and be sure to create action around those barriers.
  1. Allow for Effective Engagement – As we rush through our busy schedules, our days seem very limited on time especially when it comes to touch base conversations. Touch point conversations are extremely important in staying on the same page. Taking 5-10 minutes a day with your teen can make all the difference. Just you and the teen. Make this a safe space to ask questions, get clarification, focus on the goals of the day, and to gain commitment from the teen. This engagement time should be to build the relationship, not hurt it. So avoid any disciplinary action at this time. The teen has to know they have a safe space to openly talk about any challenges or issues.
  1. Model the Way – If you expect your teen to have any of the behaviors you want them to have, it starts with you and how you model the way. The teen will learn and take on your thoughts, behaviors, and confidence through their experiences with you. Understanding that they learn through experiences can help you become aware of your own behaviors, especially the negative ones, and help you change the way you behave in front of your teen. It’s hard to gain buy-in if we don’t walk the talk.
  1. Create a Space for Feedback – Helping your teen feel comfortable is important especially when it comes to giving and receiving feedback. This is a difficult skill anyway and takes practice to become good at it. When giving feedback, one must be conscious of being compassionate, thoughtful, constructive, kind, and gentle. Many don’t enjoy giving feedback nor receiving it. This is a skill to practice. If you practice with the characteristics I mentioned and treat the teen with respect, you have a greater chance at delivering the talk with success.
  1. Follow Up – Without follow up, the teen won’t get the impression that the first 5 steps were important. Everyone needs follow up to help them identify what is and what isn’t important in life. If you are constantly assigning tasks to your child, without following up, the teen might miss the connection and importance of everything you are trying to teach them. Help them understand that the learning process of everything they do is so important to their future and is helping them build core beliefs and values that will help them down the road when they get in the workplace. Use the follow up to your advantage by always reinforcing the life skill of the day.

By following these key tips, you can help your teenager begin to grow their self-confidence and provide them with specific steps to get there.

For more information and tips, follow me on FaceBook, Instagram, and TikTok.

 @herewegocoaching

 Also check out my Instagram BIO for the Upcoming Junior Leadership Program for Teens or go to this link

 linktr.ee/herewegocoaching

How I Learned the Secrets to Life

It might not have earned me millions

 

but every single life experience created ME!

 

I typically don’t write blogs about this stuff, but I thought it was important because I have secrets about living life that I need to share with the world.

More importantly, share with as many teens and young adults as possible.

I want to help them learn to master these secrets of life.

I want to help them discover more, learn more, be more motivated, achieve more, and fuel their life with confidence and purpose. I want to help them find their passions in life and prepare for a lifetime of achievements and happiness through learning essential life skills.

Young people are starving for hope, love, companionship, joy, adventure, and learning. They are searching for things to fuel their mind, body, and spirit.

They are searching for purpose and passion.

And because of all this, I want to share my passion with them…

this thing called LIFE.

I will be launching a new program for young people this summer over the next month or so.

This program is designed to create personal awareness, creative thinking, strategic thinking, goal setting, mindfulness, perception, and incorporate life’s skills to face life’s challenges with courage and confidence.

This JUNIOR LEADERSHIP PROGRAM will help young people learn what I know will give them the BEST chance at creating the life they have dreamed of.

In addition to this program, I will be launching two others in the future:

APPRENTICE LEADERSHIP PROGRAM

ADVANCED LEADERSHIP PROGRAM

I have put my heart and soul into these programs because I see the youth of today and their struggles, they face each day. I’ve witnessed the struggles young people have in the workplace today. I listened to the stories of young people and how they view the world. I felt the pain and anxiety the youth struggles with today. I hear what they are screaming for, what they are starving for.

These programs can help people become their BEST SELF and live their BEST LIFE.

I wanted to share my journey of how all of this began.

So here is the cliff note version of MY STORY.

I guess we will start with high school.  School jock, tri letter winner, and nicknamed Brut, as if that isn’t a stereotype picture. My senior year I was awarded the Father Helias award for loyalty & character. I worked hard to achieve National Honor’s society each year. I also worked a part time job at the age of 16 at Gerbes, the local grocery store, making donuts late into the Friday and Saturday nights. I remember working hard at everything I did. My parents raised me to work hard for what I wanted in life. They taught me that I could do anything I put my mind to. My educators reinforced that every year of my Catholic upbringing.

I remember always searching for more, trying to improve my athletic skills, helping the other girls around me get stronger and better too.

I loved athletics. I appreciated creating relationships with people that had the same goals. I craved learning what teamwork was all about. The hard work and dedication were so addictive especially when there was a sense of accomplishment at the end. Athletics helped shape me. It helped mold me into the leader that I have become today.

Athletics carried me into my career. As I entered college, I coached any sport a school would let me. I loved teaching athletes the skills of the game but more importantly the skills you need in life.

I too learned a lot about the skills you need in life as I met new challenges, new job roles, career changes, financial struggles, relationship problems…the whole 9 yards of life!

Once I graduated college, I started my teaching career in a small little Missouri town. I worked with the kindergarten teaching in the mornings and in the afternoons, I taught Health, PE, and Spanish.

I will never forget that experience. So many interactions, good and bad. Hide and go seek after a basketball game with the team to celebrate my birthday. Painting the Lioness Den so the girls could have their first locker room. The bouncy bus rides on those windy, curvy roads.

The locker room talks were the best. The laughter at practice and in the classroom. I remember talking for hours with the girls about life and important things.

I learned so much about myself during that time. I learned a lot about leading people and how NOT to lead them.

The biggest lesson I learned was that making the choice to lead people comes with a huge responsibility.  I grew to understand that everything I did, said, or how I reacted was under a microscope. I learned that leading is a privilege and by doing so, you must be willing to go the distance to model the way.

I was able to establish lifelong relationships with many of these students who are still active in my life today. I also took everything I learned from those students and carried to my next career move.

After a few years, I decided to take another teaching/coaching assignment in Kansas City area.

The class sizes were much bigger. The area of study I taught was Health, PE, Spanish, and weight training.

This was another incredible, exceptionally talented, special group of ladies that made a huge impact on my life. There was never a dull moment with these girls. We were the mighty mighty Eagles. These girls were fearless and worked so hard, trying to meet my expectations. Sometimes my expectations got in the way however and the experience for some was not ideal. Learning experiences can be rough especially when you crush someone’s spirit of playing the game.  These were the moments of my not-so finest hour.

I never said the journey was perfect. In fact, it was in my WORST moments in which I learned more about myself, others involved, and how my actions and words impacted those around me. Those imperfect moments were the most memorable to me. Those were the moments I never wanted to repeat again. Those were the moments I carried forward to learn how to be a better human, a better friend, a better listener, a better communicator, and a better everything.

After years of teaching, I decided to try a different career path.

FedEx Ground gave me a manager job. The only problem was…. I had never managed, nor did I know anything about moving boxes.

Little did I know that MANAGING was EVERYTHING about TEACHING.

Throughout my 18 years with FedEx, I learned more about people, myself, cultures, ethnicities, teamwork, disappointment, age groups, tendencies, opportunities, planning, leading, coaching, different demographics, poverty, hate, racism, winning, and creating a culture where people want to be better, people want to do better, and people want to treat people better.

I have spent my life coaching people to be successful.  I have spent my life learning how people think and what motivates them. I have spent my life influencing people of all ages, races, and backgrounds to be the BEST they can be. My life’s passion has been helping people build essential life skills. Skills that will help them learn how to overcome adversity in life through changing their personal awareness to acquire a positive mindset. By changing patterns of thinking, reshaping the way people see their life, and empowering them to take control of their thoughts and actions, my life’s purpose has been to help others find their passions in life and prepare for a lifetime of achievements and happiness through learning essential life skills.

So here we are. Present day. Learning every day as I go. Following God’s plan for me. And what a journey.

I’m a Certified Coach. I help people climb out of their darkness. I help them create self-sustainable light so they find the life they have been searching for.

If you know of anyone that struggles with depression, anxiety, anger issues, relationships issues, loneliness, sadness, or any emotion that is holding them back, have them reach out.

Let me help them explore life through a different set of lens.

 

Here We Go…

 

 

 

 

Copy Cat Behaviors

I was in the grocery store the other day and I noticed a woman with 3 kids.
My heart instantly felt compassion for this woman who struggled to walk through the store. I could see her struggles. I could see the pain as she pushed the cart. She was breathing heavy and there was extreme grimace on her face. She looked sad, frustrated, worn out.
As I strolled through the store, I noticed her 3 kids had similar facial expressions, demeanor, and struggles. As we nearly ran into each other several times, smiling and nodding at each other, I noticed that her cart looked a little bit different than mine.
I also noticed that she struggled with extreme obesity and struggled to walk around the store. I couldn’t imagine facing the struggles she was living. The last thing I noticed was that her three kids, all under the age of 15 from what I could see, battled obesity as well.
The defeat in their behaviors and facial expressions was overwhelming. The interactions were not very positive and there did not seem to be much joy happening around them. People stared at the size of the woman and her kids. I could feel the judgment each time I was near them.
Life seemed to have knocked the woman down and it seemed as though she struggled to find the personal commitment to a healthier, more positive life. I also noticed the impact her choices were having on her kids’ lives.
It made me think about life and how life can be hard. I thought about how life can test us. Sometimes we are challenged to our brink. Sometimes there is no one to help. Sometimes we don’t help ourselves. Sometimes life knocks us down. Life can be hard.
And along the way, we all need help, we all need encouragement. We all need “pick me ups”. Fueling our bodies with positive, healthy, and supportive lifestyles help us reach goals, dreams, passions. Ridding our lives of the negativity helps us get to those dreams and goals faster.
Making choices that keep us from those goals impacts not only our life but the lives of those we have in it.
I too struggled for years with an extra 35 pounds I lugged around. Life made it hard to make decisions that would be in my best interest. It always seemed that when I would get on the right track, something or someone would derail me.
Through prayer, practice, positive affirmations, personal changes and lifestyle changing commitments, life changed.
Suddenly life wasn’t knocking me down. Life was presenting new opportunities and experiences that helped me love more, live more, and learn more about myself and everyone in my life.
As we passed each other, the difference in our two carts was significantly different.
The difference was that my cart was filled with vegetables, lean meats, less processed foods and more Whole Foods.
Her cart was filled with items you could pop in the microwave for a quick meal, boxes of starchy foods, fully loaded sugar drinks, pizzas, and other frozen delicious naughty foods, as well as a solid supply of candy snacks.
It got me thinking.
The behaviors we teach or demonstrate are important.
Some of these behaviors we teach can have consequences.
Some of these behaviors we teach can have lasting effects that can affect our health, our mental wealth, our careers, our relationships, our EVERYTHING.
These behaviors can destroy lives if we aren’t careful.
I had a student, during my first years of teaching, who wrote a paper about me.
Tiffany turned the assignment into her English teacher who thought it was important that I read it.
The paper was so heartfelt and talked about me. I know, scary right? 😂
But what I got out of reading that paper was that we are always being watched by those around us.
People notice our behaviors, our language patterns, and everything we do.
They notice when we are mad, sad, disgusted, disappointed, happy, pumped up, whatever, they notice.
They really notice what we say to them as well. They notice what we do to them. They notice how we treat them.
All the while they are noticing these things they are learning from us. Good and bad.
How each person filters that experience and whether they adopt it into their belief system or not is a personal choice.
When I saw this severely overweight woman who could barely walk through the store, I couldn’t help to try to put myself in her shoes to see how she felt, to see how tough her journey may be and what it would take to lose the weight and make all the necessary change to course correct her health as well as her kids. Overwhelming I am sure.
From working with thousands of people over the years, I could only imagine how she felt, how helpless she felt, how much pain she was dealing with, how much disappointment she was living, and how low her self-esteem may be.
I sensed this from her physical behaviors, her facial expressions, the way she talk to her kids, and the overall demeanor she displayed.
More alarming was what I noticed on two of the kids.
Two of the kids looked at the ground most of the time when people approach them, their shoulders were forward, and they had very little energy to them.
They looked sad and embarrassed and I could tell they did not have positive self-esteem.
The behaviors the mom was displaying were passed down to her kids.
The choices she has made for herself have been passed down to her kids.
These choices are creating repeat patterns of low self-esteem, low self-worth, and poor health choices that contribute to our mental health and our overall well-being.
When I make choices, those choices don’t always just impact me.
I have to consider those I’m closest to in my life who it may impact as well.
If I don’t do this, it causes frustration, anger, disappointment, and all those icky feelings we don’t like to have.
And the choices I make every day from the time I get up in the morning have a tremendous impact on how my life turns out day over day.
If I make a bad choice, that bad choice can impact me for the rest of my life if I am not careful.
Because of the choices this lady is making for herself and her kids, it is creating a lifetime of negative behaviors that will influence them the rest of their lives.
It’s funny how when we don’t like something about our life, we make excuses, rather than making a positive change to improve and to become happier, healthier, a better version of ourselves. We continue to choose to be miserable, sad, lonely, depressed, and full of negative emotions.
If you want to make change, stay with me and ride this journey with me to help you find a different perspective in life that will help you create change and belief in yourself.
If you are looking for positive change, here are 5 things you can do right now to move towards your goals.
  1. Gain awareness of the choices you are making
  2. Pick one negative choice you would like to change
  3. Replace that negative choice with one positive choice.
  4. Post your positive choice in the place you will see so you can read it every day.
  5. Once you replace the negative habit, repeat the entire process with the next negative choice you would like to change
And don’t forget to reward yourself with something positive that will make you happier, healthier, and more confident in yourself.
Make your change now.
Be your change today.
Love yourself and those around enough to make positive change.
Be better.
Do better.
Treat people better,
Especially YOURSELF.

Keys to Helping Someone Overcome Low Self-esteem, Anxiety, or Early Signs of Depression

How do you help someone who is suffering from low self-esteem, anxiety or early signs of depression?

How do you connect with them to help pull them out of that hole they are stuck in?

How do you put yourself in their shoes to feel the pain they are going through?

These are questions I am sure many of you have. Whatever you do doesn’t seem to be enough, help enough and you just seem to be making things worse because you see something that needs to be fixed and they aren’t willing to fix it within themselves.

You live through these thoughts, these moments, wondering if anything you do would help the situation or make a difference with them. All you want to do is make them happier, help them smile and laugh, and show them how wonderful they are. Instead, you get attitude, anger, tears, hurtful words, loneliness, fighting, and push back.

Living with someone who has anxiety & depression is a heart wrenching experience.  Watching someone you love live through sadness and self-hate is hard to stand by and witness. You feel helpless when they explode with disturbing thoughts, harmful words, and careless behaviors.

You desperately want to help them see how amazing they are, how beautiful they are, how incredible they although they have never seen those qualities in themselves.

Your heart breaks as you see the sadness lurk in their eyes.

It’s hard to watch someone with low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and sadness. It’s hard to love them because they want to push you away. They make it nearly impossible and challenging to love them. Our natural reaction is to fix it, argue with them, fight with them, battle to get them to snap out of their mindset so they can be happy with themselves, happy with life.

You want them to see what you see, feel what you feel, love themselves like you love them.

You want to love them enough for both of you.

Unfortunately, they have to love themselves before they will let us love them.

What I learned about helping someone who suffers from low self-esteem, anxiety, or depression is that “fixing” is NOT how you go about it. I learned that finding solutions for them isn’t the answer either.

What I learned was that compassion, understanding, honesty, trust, and love was what mattered.

Helping someone doesn’t mean “fixing” their problem because it’s how you would do it. Helping someone means listening to them, empathizing with them, understanding where they are coming from because it was their experiences that got them there. Learning to love them unconditionally and understanding how they got to that place in life helps you get clearer on what they are going through.

Here are some actions you can take to help someone that struggles with low self-esteem, anxiety, or early signs of depression.

First, listening is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone.  Listening is such a critical skill when it comes to wanting to help someone. Not solving their problems but listening. So many times, we are distracted by our cell phones, the TV, work, or our own thoughts and we don’t give our full attention to the person who is speaking. Being able to shut down the outside noise and fully tune into the speaker has such a lasting impact on that individual and shows you care, you value them, what they say is important, and allows you to understand their situation better. By asking clarifying questions while listening, you can gain a full perspective of what they are speaking about.

Listening comes from a place of non-judgement.

Many times, the individual will talk themselves through their problems because just saying it out loud can have a huge impact on them and saying it out loud props it in front of them so it’s easier to see. By actively listening, you are able to receive information, process it, and are able to engage when necessary, in the conversation.

Active listening or deep listening can also help you avoid creating frustration.  Nothing is more frustrating when someone is not paying attention and they catch half of the story. It’s frustrating because you have to repeat yourself, answer questions that don’t make sense to what you were saying, and makes you not want to share anymore.

By listening, you provide the greatest gift to someone that is scared to share their inner thoughts and who already have poor esteem.

A second way to help someone with anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem is by showing compassion and empathy. These were difficult for me to learn. A dear friend always said, “Dang Duemmel, where’s your compassion?” I had my moments in life but I really never struggled much from depression or anxiety much. My self-esteem had moments growing up but it never seemed to affect my dreams, my goals, and the life I wanted for myself. Unfortunately, I had a hard time putting myself in someone’s shoes who didn’t have dreams, who didn’t have goals, and who never saw a good life for themselves because of their mindset of themselves. It was a rude awakening for me. Something I needed to learn. Something that would help me connect with people more.

Through personal awareness, seeing depression firsthand, and learning more about my levels of compassion for others, I was able to grow and learn what compassion was and what it meant.

Compassion is being able to show someone that you understand, and you share in their emotions and hurt. It is being able to put yourself in their shoes, their mindset, their pain. It is being supportive without judgment.  It is sharing their experience and helping them feel like they are no longer alone, and you are there to support them in any way you can. Showing compassion can help someone when they are in need and provide the type of support needed during that time.

Through compassion, you are telling the person that you understand, you can relate to what they are feeling, and you are committing to supporting them, loving them, and building trust with them.

The third key to helping someone is to build trust with them. Someone who suffers from poor self-esteem, anxiety, and depression, doesn’t trust themselves.  They don’t believe in themselves. Their favorite words are “I can’t”.  They don’t believe in their abilities, their dreams, their thoughts, their courage, nor their impact to the world around them. By building trust, it helps them feel safe.  It helps them feel like you aren’t going anywhere. It helps them believe that you have their best interest at heart and that you will do everything in your power to minimize any hurt or pain that surrounds them.  By earning their trust, you can slowly show them a different perspective on life that will guide them out of the turmoil within them to a happier, healthier, belief system.

Watching someone live with depression taught me that life isn’t just about me. It taught me that it isn’t how I feel about what others are going through. It isn’t about me solving the problems for them. It taught me that we all have our own perfect solutions, and it is up to the individual to find those solutions.

My role in all this was to be supportive, listen, show compassion, and show up for them day after day. I had to show the individual that I wasn’t going anywhere, and I was there to support them every single day until we worked through the negative to see the positive.

 

 

 

Motivating your Teen to Get More out of Life

This past year more and more teens have lost motivation in life due to the situations around them. Teens are carrying more anxiety and stress that keeps them locked in their rooms, choosing to seclude themselves from others. Fear holds them back and keeps them from finding the motivation to change their environment or their situation in life so they can grow a happier, healthy, and more productive mindset. Many teens have lost motivation to set goals that will help them live the life they have dreamed of. Setting goals is essential to finding happiness in life. Teaching teens how to set goals can help them shut down the fear that is holding them back.

Helping teenagers set their own goals starts with conversation. Ask them what they want in life.  Ask them what makes them happy and what motivates them.  It starts with a discussion of purpose and passion and what areas of life provide that for them. Teens need to set their own goals because they know what they like to achieve better than you do.

Once the teen can determine the answers to those questions, you can then help them set a future vision and help them set their own goals, be it in the long-term or in the short-term.

Teenagers need guidance and proper advice, especially as they grow into their young adult years. They need help with discernment, decision making, problem solving, and leadership skills. It’s important to help them understand that growing is a process as well as growing “up”.  Helping teens become aware of the different skills they will have to build will help them understand and be more patient with themselves in their growth.

 Teens have so much to learn, and as a parent or a guardian, it is our responsibility to make sure their dreams are on the right path and are achievable and reasonable.  Setting goals can help teenagers find the motivation they need to get them out of their funk.

Here are some useful tips that would help you teach your teens to effectively set their goals:

  • Explain to the teen why goals, be it for the short term or the long term, are very crucial and important. Sometimes, teens would not understand why they would have to set goals when there is no guarantee that these goals would ever be achieved. Setting goals helps us find motivation to learn, grow, and find success which builds self-esteem and confidence.
  • Teach the teen to clearly identify his or her goals. Help your teen create specific goals, goals that are time bound, realistic, achievable, and measurable. Help them create goals based on interests, likes, ambition, knowledge, skill and talent. Because the teens are basically in the age of confusion, wisdom and practical advice from elders and guardians would really be helpful and insightful.
  • Help the teen create a starting point. The time frame, or the when, of the process should also be suggested. By doing so, the teen would have a clear idea and concept of where he/she would start to move towards the achievement of the goals, and when to start acting on it.
  • Suggest some step-by-step procedures or processes on how the set goals can be achieved. Helping the teen figure out a roadmap is critical to their success and achievement of those goals. You can help by offering suggestions in building that roadmap, so the teen is clear on how to effectively accomplish the goals. Remember that as a role model and having many more life events, you are far more knowledgeable and experienced when it comes to matters in life, so imparting a little knowledge and wisdom would be a welcome note in the part of the teen.
  • Orient the teen on how to overcome obstacles and effectively deal with temporary setbacks that may come along the way. Teach your teen the value of understanding that all people have failures, but successful people turn those failures into opportunities. Help them establish determination to overcome any hiccups along the way. Help your teenager understand that viewing failure as opportunity creates more options to achieve the goal.
  • Share stories of some difficult moments you had when you were growing up and how you overcame those periods in your life that were most challenging. Teens want to know adults are human and not “know it all’s”. Teenagers could benefit from our personal experiences as long as we are not telling them how to fix everything in their life.  Offer suggestions, feedback, or experiences that might help them feel less alone, less of a failure, and less of a human being.  Help them see that they are just learning how to achieve things in life and help them understand that you are there to help them with their growth into a young adult.

Helping your teenager learn to create goals, learn more, solve problems, and build a roadmap to achieving those goals will help you get your teenager off the couch and out of their room to find a happier, healthier mindset that will help them get the life they want.

Also, if you would like one on one coaching for your teenager to help them find more out of life, check out my coaching services at http://www.herewegocompany.com.

I specialize in helping teenagers grow awareness, perception, mindfulness, and personal accountability. I help many teenagers to create that personal awareness that helps them see life differently. I help them find a mindset that helps them grow their self-esteem to approach life with courage and confidence, so they have more motivation in life.

Let’s help your teen find their motivation!

Also, for more tips, be sure to follow me

https://www.facebook.com/herewegocoaching

https://www.instagram.com/herewegomindsetcoaching/

 

3 Ways to Practice Building Emotional Intelligence

I wanted to talk about something that I posted last week, it was emotional Intelligence, somebody reached out to me and was like, Steph, what in the heck is emotional intelligence? And I was like, you know, it’s the ability to control your mindset, when you’re mad, sad, frustrated, anxious, stressed out to the max, and it’s your ability to not treat people like crud when you are filled with all these negative emotions.

If you can control your emotions, in those types of times, then you can build this positive, powerful mindset. Right now, everybody needs a positive power mindset to deal with what’s going on in our crazy society. I have three things that you can practice to help you build a positive, powerful mindset and lead you to better emotional intelligence. It’s really important because when you can learn to control your mindset, you can communicate on all different levels and a lot better.

Number one, you have to be aware, you have to be aware of what your minds doing, you have to be aware of what your mind is thinking about, like right before this video, what was your mind doing? Where was your mind? What was it thinking about? Where was it taking you? What kind of space was your mind in before this? Being aware of where your mind’s going all the time and your emotions, helps you identify and bring awareness to your mindset. If you can be aware, then you can do something about it. If you’re feeling awful all the time and you just want to stay in your room with the lights off, what’s your mind doing? Think about what your mind is doing. Figure out what your mind is thinking about all the time, especially if it’s holding you back, right?

The second thing is you want to rechannel all of those negative thoughts. The emotion, the negativity, whatever it is, you want to learn to re-channel it. So being aware is number one. But number two is you have the ability to change your mindset at any given point. Just because you’re under the covers doesn’t mean you have to stay under the covers. Staying under the covers isn’t working on yourself and it isn’t making yourself to be better. It isn’t becoming your best self. So be aware of what your mind is doing and then re-channel it. What does that mean? Rechannel? Well, you have to take action. Let’s say you’re thinking about something about yourself that’s negative, and that it’s a limiting belief that says you can’t do something, well, then what you want to do is change the thought, grab a book, change your demeanor, change your physical status. If you’re sitting down, stand up, fill your mind with positivity and stop that negative behavior. You got to say, Stop, stop being negative. You literally have to talk to yourself and you have to practice. By catching yourself think this way, finding yourself being negative, more so than positive, you can change it. So be aware, rechannel, do something about that thought, get rid of that thought.

Number three is get rid of the fun suckers. My friend and I made up that term a long time ago, the fun suckers. Get rid of the fun suckers. You must have people that are willing to support you in your journey to build a positive, powerful mindset. And if you don’t have people supporting you, you’re probably not going to get where you want to go. You have to look at the people around you. Are they negative? Are they holding you back? Do they want to keep you in that dark space? Or are they really happy for you when you lose 10 pounds? Or go after a job that you just don’t know if you’re quite qualified for or they give you positive affirmations every day? Or are they the exact opposite? Do they want to see you succeed? Because what happens when you succeed? That means they have to succeed, improve their life. And a lot of people want to stay the exact same way they are. I’m not saying get rid of every negative relationship, but at least influence them to see what they’re doing. Talk to them, tell them how you feel when they’re making those types of remarks, do something about it. But if they’re not willing to change, that’s when you have to start thinking, hey, do they bring value to my life? If they don’t bring value to your life, then what’s their purpose in your life if they’re just dragging you through the mud all the time?