It hasn’t been easy and I certainly have a million instances I would like a “redo” in my life.
There are so many times I wish I could reverse what I said, take back what I did, treat the person with a little more respect and compassion. So many decisions where I didn’t get it right. So many broken relationships because I didn’t have the “WHOLE PICTURE” or my pride got in the way.
So I sit here, thinking about that journey. How I have grown, “leveled up” as they say, grew into a ME I can be proud of.
A me that isn’t getting in my own way, letting my words and actions take me 2 steps backwards. A me that isn’t living in guilt for the way I have thought or behaved. A me that treats people better, treats me better.
More importantly, I think about how I have come to adopt a certain level of awareness, motivation, accountability, wellness, emotional intelligence, mindfulness, compassion, and forgiveness to find UNCONDITIONAL HAPPINESS.
Albert Einstein wrote:
A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the constant pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness.
My pursuit of happiness was plagued with restlessness and constant pursuit for MORE, whatever more was. What I learned was that pursuing MORE never brought me true personal happiness nor did it help me build a belief system that supported me, mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
Throughout the years, throughout the stumbles, the falls, and the catastrophic disasters I created, I discovered that my belief system was broken and it certainly wasn’t working for me. My belief system was allowing for negative thoughts, behaviors, and people to influence the choices I made.
My belief system needed an adjustment.
The purpose of sharing my journey is to help bring awareness to your BELIEF SYSTEM, your internal representation and internal dialogue that guides you throughout life. My goal is to help you learn to identify personal language patterns and behaviors that negatively influence your choices and decision making. My hope is for you to operate in the CAUSE & not at the EFFECT of your circumstances. I hope to show you that YOU are the creator of your circumstances. My mission is to help you see that your life is the result of the sum total of all of the choices you have made in life (both conscious & unconscious) which have landed you where you are today.
As I write this blog, please know this is from my perspective and no one else’s. It is my internal representation of what occurred and I acknowledge that my view may be tainted by my perception of experiences in my life.
By sharing my thoughts, I hope to help you understand what it takes to adopt a BELIEF SYSTEM that EMPOWERS YOU to FORGIVE YOURSELF, create PERSONAL AWARENESS to negative behaviors, thoughts, and choices, grow your EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, become ACTION DRIVEN instead of being a VICTIM, strengthen your SPIRITUALITY, and promote POSITVE CHOICES in life. I want you to make CHOICES that reflect personal respect, personal boundaries, personal integrity, personal accountability and personal empowerment as well as an awareness to how our CHOICES impact others.
I hope you learn to adopt A BELIEF SYSTEM that creates:
- personal discovery
- personal awareness
- personal accountability
- emotional intelligence
- effective relationship building skills
- personal peace
- positive self worth
- clearer picture
You first must know that you can’t build your belief system without first understanding where you are currently at. Over your life, you have had many different experiences and these experiences have helped shape and form your current belief system. Along the way, that belief system has been challenged by those experiences. Experiences from birth, through childhood, through relationships, through events. Every single event in your life has shaped exactly who you are. Your beliefs, your thoughts, your reactions, how you interact with other people, EVERYTHING.
I think it will be helpful for you to understand the key elements to be aware of when building a BELIEF SYSTEM.
- SpiritualWhen a person has spiritual strength within, they have a built in belief system in themselves that will propel them on no matter what the problem.
- Mind/body Without exercise, the proper diet, avoiding chemicals and other contaminates in your life, the body doesn’t function as it should – and neither does your mind.
- HabitsHabits can be debilitating and affect many areas of our lives in a negative way.
- Stress/emotional controlFind a way to control stress and you’ve found a key element toward positive self-development.
- RelationshipsHow effectively we build relationships has a direct impact on our success in life.
Throughout the next few blogs, I will discuss ways to build your belief system
- where to start
- how to establish a belief system
- how to tune out the noise and negative
- how to continuously strengthen your beliefs
- and how to build a support system around you
Throughout these blogs, I may share parts of my life that I am not proud of. The parts I was I could “redo”. Please don’t judge as I am a work in progress.
This is the point of my life when I decided to find a happier me. A better version of me.
It started with my EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.
That one little thing that can really get in the way if you don’t know how to manage it. It will get in the way of everything and can quickly destroy everything around you.
It is a skill that helps you learn how to control how you respond to situations and others. It is your ability to control your emotions no matter what is happening to you, good or bad.
When I look back, my emotional intelligence was barely a 6 on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest. I would have verbal explosions that weren’t good for any party involved. Even with my upbringing in the Catholic Church and my faith, I still struggled to contain my emotions with certain people.
I was AWFUL. It started young too. I remember how I would lose verbal control with my Mom and brothers. Not sure why. I guess I learned this behavior. I think back to where I learned that behavior that yelling at people you love is ok. Where yelling at anyone is ok.
I was raised with a very strong moral compass. The problem was, I wasn’t taught how to manage my emotions and I wasn’t taught how to effectively communicate my emotions. Again, there is no blame here. At the end of the day, the choice was always mine.
It was my personal responsibility to manage my emotions because they affect me, my decisions, and others around me.
When you start believing that and applying those principles, you start holding yourself accountable to your behavior and actions towards others as well as yourself.
Throughout my life I started to connect the dots. Instead of ignoring clues and signs in my life, I started paying attention and started learning through personal awareness.
I realized that every negative thing that was happening to me was because of the choices I was making and lack of emotional control. I was allowing negativity to reside in my life.
I started to grasp that every time I lost my temper something negative would end up happening. I started to understand that the way I CHOSE to behave directly impacted the outcome of situations.
And what I really discovered, was that I didn’t like the way that made me feel and how my life was turning out because of it.
So I decided to CHANGE. I wanted to be better, do better, and treat people better. I wanted a life where I could be at peace and not carry so much negativity from the past experiences. I wanted to be happy. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially.
And so my journey began.
I realized my CURRENT STATE was far from where I aspired to be in terms of emotional intelligence. I never would have been able to change my belief system without first looking at what my beliefs were and my thoughts around guiding principles in my life. After verbally humiliating a ball player of mine on the basketball court in front of her peers, I knew it was time to change.
I knew I was better than that. By lashing out at people, it didn’t help me be better. In fact, it made things worse. Talking down to people made them feel bad. It made me feel bad. I didn’t want to be remembered like this nor did I want to carry this guilty feeling around with me. And I didn’t like losing control of my emotions yet I still did it. I recognized that this was getting in the way of me finding internal happiness.
So I had to change.
Overcoming the “AWFUL” things I did, the things I couldn’t “FORGIVE” myself for, and the life changing CONSEQUENCES, was a journey that included personal commitment and self transparency about my behaviors, my thoughts, my actions. And honestly, I am not sure I am completely there yet however I am working on it. It’s been a long and tough journey to find absolute forgiveness.
Without FORGIVENESS, it’s hard to move forward in life. It’s hard to let go of all those emotions from experiences that you feel guilty about. Guilty about what you said or did to yourself or someone else. These emotions can distort our reality because they influence how we interpret each experience. This distortion can cause us to make poor choices thus negatively affecting the outcome of our life. Forgiving yourself or others is a necessary step to letting go of the past. Without doing so, you may struggle to achieve unconditional happiness.
When first beginning to build a BELIEF SYSTEM that helps you rather than hurts you, you have to understand that along the way, that belief system will be challenged by new experiences. These may reconnect us to negative experiences from birth, childhood, relationships, events. Being prepared for those moments helps you learn how to manage those emotions from getting out of control. It is also important to know that every single event in our life has shaped exactly who we are. Our beliefs, our thoughts, our reactions, how we interact with other people, EVERYTHING.
We spend our life building beliefs, perception, mindsets without even being aware it is happening.
Understanding this first step sets you on a path to building a lifestyle of happiness and a belief system that empowers you and helps you live your life with purpose and passion.
Next week, I will continue to share the next step to Building a Belief System that Gives You Unconditional Happiness
I want to share this story in chunks so it allows me to introduce some COACHING CHALLENGES to you.
My first challenge is to put this awareness to practice.
Journal, make notes in your phone, or jot down what you are noticing.
Reflect back each day on experiences with people, work, life, and notice how your mind experienced that moment and why. If you don’t know the why yet, it’s ok. You will come to understand that over time.
I want you to bring awareness to what your mind is doing and what your mind is being influenced by. Write down what thoughts consume your mind especially when you are alone. Bring them into the open.
Write down whether these thoughts are positive or negative. Write down what behaviors hurt you rather than helped you. Use this discovery phase to bring attention to any limiting thought or behavior that you have. Whatever you notice, positive or negative, about your thoughts and behaviors, write it down.
Understanding what your mind is doing and how it is reacting is important to building YOUR personal belief system. Being aware and recognizing patterns in behavior, mood swings, attitude, depression, sadness, anger, hostility, aggressiveness, are very important to understanding what is influencing you.
Having awareness to what is influencing you is KEY.
Also it is important to note that we tend to focus on what is influencing us and that influence can start to control our thoughts and behaviors which impact the outcome of our life.
Happy note taking!
And remember to
Take control of your actions, your attitude and your outcomes and watch your personal power create new horizons.