9 Tips to Help Manage Fear of Rejection in Intimate Relationships

I want to give you a couple of coaching tips on intimate relationships and how to, you know, overcome the fear of being in an intimate relationship. My friend wanted me to talk about fear of rejection in intimate relationships.

We all have basic needs and one of those needs is being loved or a sense of belonging that helps us when we need some stability, support. Sometimes our self-esteem can get in the way of that. It is scary putting our trust in someone else, especially when they can trample all over our heart. And relationships need certain things such as trust, communication, compassion, mindfulness, perception, chemistry, friendship, love. and from what I see self-esteem gets in the way of that a lot of times. I know it has in my past, and I am sure it has in your past. Low self-esteem keeps us from forming healthy, productive relationships.

 Also, some people have criteria lists. A criteria list that you check off.  Nope, they’re too tall, they’re too short. Their car isn’t fancy enough. They don’t make enough money, too many kids. Whatever that criteria list is we keep that criteria list a lot of times to protect ourselves, keep ourselves from getting hurt, because we’re looking for that perfect person. But there are no perfect people out there. We all have flaws. But it’s just literally learning how to interact with somebody and trust them and not let your insecurities tear you down through that whole process. And these lists, these criteria lists keep us from that rejection. They just support the fear of intimate relationships, right? Letting ourselves put trust in someone else’s hands is not easy. Especially when they can take advantage of us. But when you’re practicing a healthy, positive mindset, what happens is that all of a sudden, you start to see yourself in a different light. And you start to learn how to form stronger relationships, because you believe in yourself, and you’re not constantly tearing yourself down.

So today, I want to give you nine tips that might help you learn how to enter an intimate relationship and make it successful.

Tip number one:  Be aware of the fear. You’ve got to be aware of your emotions. Are you aware of your fear or your emotions, whether you’re sad, happy, angry? If you’re not aware of that, then you can’t manage your mindset. So being aware is the first step to learning how to manage your mindset.

Tip number two:  Learn how to re-channel that emotion, the fear? Well, let’s say you’re in a relationship, and all of a sudden, you’re starting to think bad things about yourself, and you’re tearing yourself down or you find things about yourself that the other person might not like.  If you are aware of what your mind is doing, you can re-channel that fear. Get up, go for a walk, read a book, read some positive quotes, talk to your partner, whatever it is, you’ve got to learn how to re-channel that fear. That’s really important.   

Tip number three: Personal positive affirmations. A personal affirmation is a piece of development for yourself. You want to have positive affirmations around you, quotes, sayings on your mirror sayings in your car, positive quotes on your refrigerator. These positive quotes can help your mind build a positive mindset, especially when you start to go down that road of thinking that you’re not worthy enough for somebody else. That’s when you pull out these positive affirmations. You want to read them daily, you want to practice them daily, and you want to make sure that you are incorporating them in your mindset.

Tip number four:  Be vulnerable. Talk to your partner about how you feel. It’s really tough letting ourselves talk about what’s going on inside of us. A lot of people have a hard time doing this and a lot of people don’t want to talk about personal things. If you want to be in a healthy positive relationship, one must learn how to communicate on each other’s level, not just your own. So, make yourself vulnerable. Now you want to make sure you can trust the other person that you’re being vulnerable with because it could be disastrous. If you feel like you can trust somebody, then be vulnerable, open up to them, share your deepest, darkest secrets. When you carry those deepest, darkest secrets with you all the time it plays on your mindset and it keeps you in a dark space. Expressing yourself can help others understand you better and will most likely bring you closer together. 

Tip number five: Own your differences. I want you to think back when someone started liking you. Was it because you wore the wrong clothes, you drove the wrong car, you were too fat, or too mean? No, when they entered a relationship with you, it was because they saw the positive in you. So, build on that positive and stop trying to hold on to the negative. The negative does not do you or anyone else any good. Hold on to the positive and try to see yourself in a different light. Because we are all unique. We’re all special, we all bring something different to the table. And we all have a place and a value in this world.   

Tip number six:  Own your past. Your past is your past and it is your past for a reason. Don’t let your past control you, define you, navigate your future. Your past is your past. And by practicing a positive, powerful mindset, you can put that past exactly where it’s supposed to be… in the PAST.

Tip number seven:  Setting goals. So, I’ve just given you six different things to work on. Now you can start setting goals for yourself which is important because it keeps us motivated. If week over week you don’t have any goals set but you find yourself complaining, complaining, complaining, then that could be the problem. When you complain, complain, complain and you’re not willing to do anything about it, it just becomes annoying. I believe that working towards goals and bettering yourself will lead to the life you genuinely want and healthier relationships with people. Setting goals each week of things you want to learn or things you want to accomplish, work on, whether career or your personal life, goals help you get where you want to go.   

Tip number eight: Set boundaries, we all need boundaries. And if we don’t set those boundaries upfront for the other person, we could lose ourselves and our individuality really quickly. Setting boundaries is important. For instance, let’s say you get in a relationship and you start to spend all your time together because it’s so awesome. And it feels so good spending so much time with somebody that likes you. But then six months down the road, suddenly, you don’t have any time for anything else. You can’t find the time to develop yourself, work on your career, hobbies, friends. And pretty soon, your frustrations kick in because you didn’t set boundaries for yourself up front. Listen, y’all, we must be individuals first. And we must like ourselves first, before we can be in a relationship. Setting boundaries up front show self-respect for yourself.

Tip number nine:  Practice self-worth, put self-worth into motion. You know, you can’t have this positive, powerful mindset if you don’t practice it. And practice makes perfect in anything you do. Whether you learn to ride a bike, you learn a new skill at work, you learn how to drive a car, whatever it is, all of it took practice. So, if you want a positive, powerful mindset, practice these nine tips. Put those nine tips into practice.

Practicing these nine steps takes time, it takes a lot of true commitment. Changing how you feel about yourself, how you see yourself, and taking action to quit letting yourself hold you back is a true commitment. This commitment to a mindset that will get you where you want to go. And it will help you accomplish any of the goals that you have in life.  

Being in a relationship is a lot of work and if you’re not willing to work on yourself while you’re in that relationship, you’re probably going to have a hard time being in that relationship. Actively listening and learning how to communicate effectively, are really two big skills that you need in a relationship. Because lack of these two things causes a lot of frustration.

I hope this helps. I hope it gives you some tips to work on so you can go out and find the most amazing relationship of your life while building stronger relationships around you. We as people need relationships for support and for stability, a basic psychological need. The world becomes a better place when we learn to build healthy, stronger relationships.

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